Life Coaching | Rainmaker Strategies

Can One Word Really Alter Your Reality?

January 18, 2022 By Barbara Mencer

The language we use matters … a lot.

It has the power to shape our reality … how we see things, how we experience the world, and how we act in it.

We tend to think of our use of language as purely descriptive. “The sky is blue.” And a lot of it is.

But the words we use actually condition our reality to a far greater extent than most of us imagine.
This is a broad, sweeping subject upon which many often mind-bending books have been written. That said, I’m gonna keep it simple here with a couple of basic examples.

The scene: A staff meeting. You present a proposal. Someone presents an objection. You have two ways you can respond.
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What’s Missing and What Doesn’t Matter?

May 18, 2021 By Barbara Mencer

Stop and smell the roses. That’s the advice we offered in last month’s letter.

Did you do it?

I hope so. I did. I also engaged in some introspection. In the process, I boiled my thinking down to two important questions … the fundamental questions those of us who never seem to have enough time and are too busy to slow down and enjoy life would benefit from asking on a regular basis.

What’s missing in my life?

And what things am I spending too much time on that don’t really matter?

Look, part of breaking out of an unhealthy pattern of behavior involves recognizing it, acknowledging the problems it’s creating, and resolving to do something about it. That’s step one. We took a shot at that last month.

The next step is actually doing something about it. And that something doesn’t have to be anything drastic, like quitting your job and moving to Tahiti.

Can You Build Connection Virtually?

February 16, 2021 By Barbara Mencer

There’s an old Aretha Franklin song called, “Who’s Zooming Who?”

These days, the answer is … everybody’s zooming everybody.

We aren’t working side by side much anymore. We aren’t meeting face to face.

What are the implications of this shift for the health of your company’s culture … that amorphous intangible that’s so important to how well your organization functions and how happy and fulfilled your people tend to be?

Complexity Doesn’t Have To Stymie You

November 17, 2020 By Barbara Mencer

The words complicated and complex mean different things.

We often use them interchangeably, but that only serves to obscure the subtle … but important … differences in meaning.

An old fashioned Swiss watch is complicated, but it’s not complex. You can understand the mechanisms and describe exactly how it operates with exact precision.

In contrast, human physiology is the ultimate example of a system that’s complex. What makes it so?

Leaves Change Like We Change

October 20, 2020 By Barbara Mencer

A zen moment …

I was looking at the autumn leaves on the trees in my yard, appreciating how they don’t all turn at once. The trees still have some green leaves, some in phases of change, and others fully transitioned to red, orange, and yellow.

Some are already on the ground.

It occurred to me that nature is illustrating a useful change management … and leadership … principle.

For the trees and their summer leaves, winter looms. They leaves must turn and fall.

It’s the same for us.

Managing Attention vs. Managing Time

September 15, 2020 By Barbara Mencer

You’ve probably heard all the tips for managing your time more effectively.

They make sense. They’re useful, and yet, when you focus on wrangling back some of your time, you’re focusing on a symptom, not the disease.

I want to go deeper. I want to talk about the need to manage your attention.

Are they related … managing time and managing attention?

Of course. But managing time has to be done in the service of managing your attention and keeping your focus.

Otherwise, all you’re doing is ending up with a bit more time and still no clear idea of what you need it for or what you’re gonna do with it!

The goal of managing attention is far more critical. That said, you can only achieve it by managing your time.

Case in point:

You’re Doing Just Fine!

July 21, 2020 By Barbara Mencer

I’ve had an uptick recently in the number of clients who feel like they’re failing … failing at work, failing at being a parent, failing at keeping it together with their spouse. Not being all they want to be. Not doing all they want to do.

It’s affecting their sense of self-worth.

If that sounds like you, let me grab you … virtually … by the shoulders, give you a little shake, look you straight in the eyes and say, in my most no-nonsense, but loving way …

Happy Holidays With No Stress

December 17, 2019 By Barbara Mencer

I do my best in these newsletters to pass along useful insights designed to help you better understand the challenges we all face and what we can do to improve our performance, be happier, and find greater reward and fulfillment from the work we do.

But this month, let’s forget about the self-improvement and just focus on being happy and enjoying the holidays.

Too often the holidays are more stressful than fun.

I say nuts to that.
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What’s Your Mind Full Of?

September 17, 2019 By Barbara Mencer

What you think about, and more importantly, what you really focus your attention on, makes all the difference when it comes to A) how happy and stress-free you are, B) how successful you are … and … C) how connected you are to what’s really important and magical about life.

If life isn’t feeling that magical to you right now, or you’ve had times … as all of us have … when you feel harried and life seems like a grind, ask yourself this question …

What’s your mind full of?

Now, if you hadn’t figured it out already, I’m attempting a bit of subtle word play here.

The Competitor And The Collaborator

August 26, 2019 By Barbara Mencer

The need to compete is a simple fact of life. Everyone can’t have everything they want any time they want it. Whenever there’s a scarcity of something desirable, be it food or a job or a romantic partner, people will compete with each other.

And there’s nothing wrong with healthy competition where people succeed in gaining the prize by virtue of their superior knowledge, drive, skills, and creative ability.

The need to compete on merit keeps us sharp, always figuring out new ways to gain an edge.

Where competition becomes destructive is when power, position, and influence enter the equation rather than merit.

I recently became involved in a situation in a company where a senior person intruded on the territory of a couple of colleagues … because she could.

What do you think that does to morale and ongoing collaborative efforts?

Help Them Understand You

July 16, 2019 By Barbara Mencer

Last month, we looked at why you sometimes get misunderstood at work.

This month, we focus on what you can do to keep it from happening.

Personality differences …

Let’s start with the number one bit of advice I can give you to bridge the gap between you and those who think and act differently than you.

It starts with understanding how things go wrong.

People who communicate, process information, make decisions, and interact with others differently than you will often see your style and your particular behavior as perverse and motivated by something other than positive intention.

Why Don’t They See Me As I Truly Am?

June 23, 2019 By Barbara Mencer

Sometimes people just don’t get you. You’re misunderstood at work … and it’s frustrating.

After all, you just want what’s best for your organization.

But there’s a mismatch between A) your positive intentions and what you see as your constructive communications and well-meaning actions and B) how others perceive those intentions and actions.

I see it all the time.

Examples: You take the bull by the horns and get a job done and others see you as controlling, non-collaborative, bossy, and competitive.

You listen carefully to what others in a meeting are saying … then take time to carefully consider it before offering any comment or opinion. Others see you as uninterested and disengaged.

Research shows, and our own personal experience confirms, that the way people relate to you is based on who they perceive you to be as a person … an employee … a manager … a leader.

Your intentions simply don’t matter.